I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
