so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
