Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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