Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
