Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
