Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
