she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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