Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
