Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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