Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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