I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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