It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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