I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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