i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
