my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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