the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pants are for mortals
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
