Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
