I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
