thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
