How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
