Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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