bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
