would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
