This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
