my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You know, be my cock's hype man.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
