I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
