What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
