Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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