Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
