You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were trust falling into bushes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
