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I looked at my own cervix.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
