is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
