I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
