I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
