Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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