I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
