the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
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Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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