I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
