At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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