sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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