So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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