So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
