I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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