I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
babies were throwing up all over the place
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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