best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's like iHOP with fire
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
