Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
