Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
