You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
