i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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