I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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