omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
