she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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