I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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