Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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