Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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