I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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