Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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