Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
