i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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