I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize