Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
