Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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