it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i think im in europe. pls send help
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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