My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
