I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
