At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
