all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
